How far can I go?
by CityMayhem
Summary: Nothing could have prepared Luffy for what traveling into the past would mean. As he sees old, or should I say, young faces, Luffy's forced to face his past and future to make things work and save himself, his crew and their collective future. But there's also a problem. New things are happening, and no one is ready for what effect this has on Luffy, and everything around him.
1. Chapter 1

Water

He could hear it

He could smell it

He could feel it in the way the - what must be a boat - moved, swayed, rocked underneath his body. Moving him without really moving him.

He could hear and smell and feel other things too.

Like the sound of laughter that seemed to come from everywhere on the ship.

Like the smell of food that must taste good just based on how good it smelled. Or maybe he was just hungry.

Like the feeling of grass. That one stumped him for a good while. Grass...on a ship? That couldn't be right. But he could also smell the fresh sent if he focused enough. So he couldn't deny it. That was definitely grass underneath him. In between his fingers, rubbing the back of his neck and bare legs and arms. A feeling that for some reason, made him feel so at home that everything else faded away.

Until music filled his ears. Music he knew he had heard before. Music that made him want to get up and dance and sing until he fell to the ground dizzy and tired.

"Luffy?"

That voice was one he knew. One that knew _him_. Knew him better than almost anyone else.

Zoro

"Hey Lu, you okay?"

That one brought tears to the eyes that he still hadn't opened. He had forgotten what it sounded like. He thought he would never hear it again.

Ace

And now the tears must be running down his face and onto the grass. He could feel the wet trail they left as a reminder after they fell. And then a hand was on his shoulder. Squeezing.

The music stopped. The laughter slowly dying down till it too stopped completely. He didn't like that. It was too quiet. His crew was never quiet. And this had to be his crew...right? He heard Zoro's voice, Usopp and Chopper's laughter and Brook's music. Smelt Sanji's amazing food.

But weren't they on an island? In the New World with Law and Kidd and Sabo. Wasn't Ace supposed to be dead?

So he did they only thing he could think of. He opened his eyes.

Blue

The bright blue of a clear days sky met him, but soon blurred with the tears still flowing out of his now open eyes.

"Luffy what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

He slowly turned his head to the left. It was heavy and mostly rolled on it's own before stopping when his neck could turn no more and there. _Right there._ With in reaching distance- no even closer than that for the hand that was still gripping his shoulder tightly belonged to none other than _HIM._ His _BROTHER._ Ace.

He heard Ace's voice earlier but that was different. _This_ was different. After Ace's...death...he still heard his voice sometimes. On the wind or in his head. Echoing around the ship or in his dreams. At least until he forgot what it sounded like.

That was when it really started hurting.

Knowing that he was forgetting his brother? It was torture. Ace was fading from his memory so fast and there was nothing he could do about it. His voice was gone and slowly bits and pieces of what he looked like started to fade as well.

 _What arm was his tattoo on?_

 _How long was his hair?_

 _How tall was he?_

 _What did it look like when he fought?_

 _..._

 _What did my brother's smile look like again?_

So _feeling_ Ace's touch on his shoulder was what made him realize:

 _This is real._

.

.

.

A sob escaped his lips as he began to cry harder. Ace was really alive again.

Meanwhile, Ace seemed to grow increasingly concerned at the blubbering wailing mess that Luffy had become out of nowhere. He slowly sat him up in his arms, where Luffy grabbed on to him with a death grip. Almost like if he let go, Ace would disappear. He glanced up at the crew of said blubbering mess to see them watching uncertainly. Most likely just confused as Ace. Zoro was the only one who moved. Standing up to come over and sit on the other side of Luffy. Ace turned his attention back to his little brother. _Just what had made Luffy start crying like that?_ To his surprise, Luffy gently began to release Ace. Unwrapping his arms from around Ace's torso and bringing them up to wipe at his eyes; which had finally slowed down with the tears. The whole time, Ace watched carefully. Looking for anything that could give away what Luffy was thinking about or more importantly, crying about.

Luffy was happy he was able to get his tears under control and release his death grip on his brother, but after a double take to his right where he could feel Zoro's strangely weak haki, everything was flipped on it's head for him once again. That Zoro, the one sitting next to him, was not _his_ Zoro. _His_ Zoro was taller. Broader. Stronger. Happier. _His_ Zoro had a scar across his left eye from their two years away...their two years. Luffy slowly scanned the rest of the crew. These people...none of them were _his_ crew. Sanji, Nami, Zoro, Brook, Usopp, Franky, Robin, Chopper, they were all different. And as Luffy caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye, his thoughts were confirmed. Keimi. The mermaid they all met on their way to Sabaody the _first_ time around. He was right about this not being _his_ crew. Because Luffy, had gone 3 years into the past.


	2. Chapter 2

3 years...Luffy scratched his head. It made sense but there were a few things off about it all. Like first, HOW THE HELL DID HE END UP IN THE PAST!? Luffy sighed. He wasn't going to figure that out anytime soon so for now, it's a mystery! He smiled at that. He liked mystery's. Mystery's meant adventure. Then the sound of fighting brought Luffy back to what was going on in front of him.  
The entire crew plus Ace (Keimi and the star fish whats his name and stayed outside after Nami told them that this had to be private) had gathered in the kitchen/dinning room after Luffy's little freak out outside.  
That was another thing that was off about all this. Ace. He wasn't with them on their way to Sabaody Archipelago. The last time they had seen him was in Alabasta. So what was he doing with them this time? Had Luffy already messed shit up in the ten minutes that he had been in the past? He winced. Nami would hit him so hard if she found out. But this wasn't _his_ Nami. He looked around the room. Zoro and Sanji were fighting as Sanji made some food for everyone. Robin was reading while once in awhile glancing up at Luffy. Nami was talking to Usopp and Chopper; probably about him. Brook was sitting at the end of the table playing some music softly. Franky had been sitting quietly off to the side before joining in on Nami, Usopp, and Chopper's conversation. Then there was Ace. He just sat there across from Luffy. Staring at him. If Luffy didn't know that his brother was just worried about him he would say the stare was creepy. His eyes never left him and he almost never blinked...yeah never mind it was still creepy. Luffy brought his hand up to his chest, rubbing it absentmindedly before realizing what he was doing and forcing his hand down to his side.  
That was the third thing that was off. His scar. It was still on his chest. I mean not that he'd seen it yet but he could _feel_ it. A sharp stinging pain at the surface that ran deeper into the wound were it became a deep thrumming pain, making every breath a marathon. It was definitely there, and now Luffy was glad he wore his shirt buttoned up when he was younger. Didn't need to freak anyone out more than they already were. He could feel the worry and fear radiating off all of them in waves.  
And that was thing four. His powers, his strength. They may have fallen a little bit in his trip to the past, but for the most part his abilities were the same as in the future. Especially his haki. He could feel all the emotions around him, the strength of each person, everything. And he had no doubt that if he sent out even just a little bit of conquerors haki, everyone would be on the ground if not passed out. He smiled. At least this time he could protect his crew from Kuma. Then he frowned. But without being sent away, none of them would get as strong as they had in the two years they were separated. Luffy groaned and rubbed his face. This was all to much thinking for him.

"So..." Luffy looked up at Ace who had caught everyone's attention with just one word. They had all stopped what they were doing to look at Ace, then Luffy. They were on edge, they wanted answers, but no one wanted to start the conversation. That or they didn't know how. Luffy bit his lip. He was never good at lying. That's what Usopp was for. So there were two options. Either, _try_ to lie to everyone and keep the past relatively the same while saving select people and keeping his little time travel thing a secret. Or, tell everyone exactly what happened, change the past completely as a result of telling them, and still try to save people without knowing how things are going to happen. Luffy sighed for probably the fifth time that day. Both were complicated in their own ways. So the question was, which would wield better results? "Luffy?" Huh? Wait had Ace been talking to him? Shit, he hadn't been listening due to trying to think a way out of this stupid mess.

"Uhhh, can you repeat that?" Luffy asked. Ace shook his head in confusion.

"Lu, what is wrong with you today?" Luffy let out a dry laugh. Oh Ace, if only I could just tell you everything...wait a minute...

"I'm so stupid!" Luffy yelled out loud before banging his head on the table. "Why didn't I think of that sooner?" Everyone just stared at Luffy, most deciding that he had officially lost it. but Luffy now had a plan. There were two people that he trusted and believed in enough to tell them everything, so he would only tell two.

"Thought of what sooner Lu-AH! Hey, where are we going?"

"Luffy let go of me!" Luffy grabbed both Ace's and Zoro's arms before running out of the kitchen. Yelling behind him that they'd be back, he dragged them both into the men's bedroom below deck. Once he had stopped moving, Zoro pulled his arm out of Luffy's grip and sat down on the couch. Ace just gently pulled Luffy over to the couch with him but Luffy shook his head and pushed Ace onto the couch before standing directly in front of them.

"Okay, you might not believe me at first, but let me tell the whole story before you freak out." He wiped his sweaty hands on his shorts before taking a deep breath. Here goes everything. "It all started after we arrived at Sabaody,"


	3. Chapter 3

"It all started after we arrived at Sabaody,"

"Okay hold up." Luffy groaned at the interruption from Zoro. If this was how the entire story was going to go, then it would take years to tell them everything. Zoro, ignoring Luffy's groan, continued. "But we're on our way to Sabaody _now_. How can whatever you're telling us START there, when we haven't even gotten there yet?" Luffy glanced at Ace who looked like he was quite interested in what his answer would be. A smile crossed Luffy's face as he scratched the back of his head.

"See, I kinda traveled back in time." . . . . blank stares from both Ace and Zoro told Luffy that neither believed him. Which wasn't a surprise. That was why he wanted to tell them _everything_ and then show them his scar and haki. Luffy pouted. Now that he thought about it, telling them absolutely everything was not only going to take forever, but it would also be a pain in the ass when they started asking questions or when the rest of the crew got suspicious of what the three of them were doing down here. Not to mention Luffy would totally forget important details. So, "Okay. Short...er, version of they story. Our crew, minus Ace who was never there to begin with-"

"What do you mean I-" Ace began to interrupt, but Luffy was going to have none of it. He was finishing this story and that was that.

"NO! No interrupting! Let me finish first, then you can ask questions. Okay? Okay. Now, as I was saying, we arrived at Sabaody and Keimi got kidnapped."

"What!" Well, there goes no interruptions.

"Hachi was pretty upset. Oh yeah, where is Hachi?"

"He's been in the-"

"No, never mind back on track. So we went after Keimi. Obviously, it had been slave traders, so we found the place, I beat up a Tenryuubito-"

"Oh my god! Luffy!"

"And we tried to leave but our crew got separated by Kuma who sent us all to different islands very far away from each other. I landed on Amazon Lily-"

"This is so unbelievable."

"And met Hancock who's now obsessed with me for some reason. That's when I found out that you, Ace, had been captured and were going to be executed."

"Captured? Executed? Wha-"

"With Hancock's help I got into Impel Down-"

"Why would you go in there Luffy!?"

"For you Ace. Duh."

"..."

"Anyways, got in, got to the bottom level but you were gone. So, I let out Jinbei and we escaped with everyone else in the prison who I also released. Oh yeah! I almost forgot! I almost died after fighting-"

"You almost died? Luffy..."

"Shhh. Story. So, almost died after fighting Magellan, but Mr. 3 helped me and took me to Iva who saved me! Then we all escaped and went to Marineford where you were being executed. There was a big war because, like everyone who was anyone was there. Including your pops and his crew! They're pretty cool. I managed to get to you and get you out but, then you..." There was silence as Luffy stopped talking for the first time since he started the story. His straw hat covered his eyes and both Zoro and Ace knew that was not a good thing. Then Zoro saw it. A tear. Just one, that had managed to slip out. But then that one turned into another on the other cheek. And then another, and another and soon Luffy's shoulders were shaking in a futile tempt to hold in the tears. Then hiccups started coming from Luffy as he tried to breath through the tears that were now wracking his body. Ace began to reach out to Luffy, but when he started talking again, Ace stopped in his tracks. He wanted to hear exactly why his little brother, the one he swore to protect, was crying so much. Crying so hard. "Ace, you...you...you saved me." What? He saved Luffy? Wait then why was- "You died."

"What,"

"YOU DIED!" This time, it was yelled. This time, Luffy looked up. Right. At. Ace. And Ace saw the hurt. The pain, the suffering that Luffy had gone through. After his _death_. There was no way Luffy was lying about all this. Because what he saw in his little brother's eyes, was wisdom that even he himself didn't have. The innocent, stupid, loving Luffy that Ace knew so well was gone. And in his place was a man who had been through hell and came out with the scars to prove it. This Luffy, the one who had watched his big brother die in front of him, was broken. And it was all Ace's fault. "Jinbei saved me from _Akainu,_ but he managed to land a hit and gave me this." Luffy was talking again and had wiped the tears from his eyes. Ace forced himself to forget the self pity and watched as Luffy turned away from them and began unbuttoning his shirt. Ace had to amit, he was scared of what Luffy was about to show him and Zoro. Ace knew who Akainu was, and judging by the way Luffy said his name with such hatred, he was not only the one that gave Luffy that scar he was about to show them, but also the one who had killed Ace. If there was one thing that would never change about Luffy, it was his selflessness. Luffy wouldn't hate the guy so much if all he did was give him a scar. Akainu was strong. And his devil fruit ability revolved around magma. Something that could deffenetly take Ace down. Zoro had also come to the conclusion that this Akainu guy Luffy was talking about had killed Ace, and with how strong Ace was based on what he had seen of the man so far, they were about to see something nasty.


	4. Chapter 4

When Luffy looked down at his bare chest, he winced. That was not what it looked like last time he checked. But, that was probably why it was hurting him so much right now. He slid off his shirt completely. Glad to be rid of the fabric that had been irritating the wound since he woke up. Slowly, gently, he placed his hand over top of the center of the wound and hissed when the cold skin made contact. After a few seconds the cold began to sooth the pain a little. Just enough that the sharpness of the pain was gone. Leaving a thrumming deep pain. The relief would fade soon, and he should probably see Chopper about it, but he didn't want to explain everything to the reindeer and knowing Chopper, he would freak at the extent of the wound. After all, it did take Traffy to save him. The thought of Trafaglar made him smile. He'd be pissed that Luffy disappeared. Kidd would probably just laugh and make fun of Luffy. Saying he got lost or eaten or just got himself into some deep shit like usual. Which Luffy guessed was true this time. Sabo...Sabo would be pissed as well. But he would also be worrying so much that he'd be unable to focus on anything else really. Then there was his crew. Traffy, Kidd, Sabo, and him had separated from their crews to do something that they didn't want them involved in, so his crew probably didn't know yet. What would Sabo tell them? Cause he knew it would be Sabo. He would claim that since it was his brother who was gone that he should be the one to tell his crew. And neither Kidd nor Traffy would have any problem with that. But did any of them have even close to an idea of what happened to Luffy? Cause Luffy sure didn't. Well, he knew he was sent into the past, but how it happened is another story completely.  
He brought his other hand up to his scar as the sharpness of the pain began to come back. Letting the coolness seep into his skin before deciding that he had kept Ace and Zoro waiting long enough. So he turned around.

Zoro couldn't help but stare.

Ace felt his body go rigid and could taste bile in his throat.

It was bright red. Inflamed. Even slightly bloody in small patches where it had been agitated. The skin at the edge of the wound was jagged, and the closer it got to the center of his chest, the deeper it got. The giant 'X' that crossed Luffy's chest looked painful to say the very least.

"It hasn't been like this since I first got it three years ago. I'm guessing that whatever weird voodoo, magical, thingy ma-bob, transferred my scar to my younger body, made my younger body not very happy." Luffy told them. Ace swallowed and after glancing at Luffy's face, decided that it was differently not something his brother wanted to talk about, so he punched a still starring Zoro in the arm before changing the subject.

"You got that three years ago? Exactly how old are you Luffy?" Luffy's face scrunched up as he did the math.

"Uhhhh, well I'm 20 right now but in my time my birthday was in a month, so pretty much 21." Luffy laughed and his grin stretched up to his eyes as realization crossed Ace's face.

"You're older than me?!" Ace yelled it like he was angry, but Zoro could see the small smile on his face and he couldn't help but smile as well. Since this Luffy had arrived in the past, it was the first time he had laughed, or smiled that shit eating grin that Zoro would never admit that he loved seeing. That grin, that smile was one only Luffy could pull off, and it was contagious like you wouldn't believe.

"Only by eight months." Zoro outright laughed at the statement Luffy had made, knowing full well that it would only make his brother more upset. Ace groaned in frustration at the fact that his little brother had just become his older brother in everything but body. "I'm not done the story guys." Zoro and Ace looked up to see that Luffy had gone serious again and Ace had to admit that he missed _his_ Luffy. The idiot one that couldn't be serious even if his life was on the line. The innocent one that believed that the world could be a good place if he tried hard enough. The happy one that smiled and laughed so much that when it was quiet you knew he was either pissed, or nowhere near you. Ace's gaze wandered onto Luffy's scar and he was reminded that this _is_ Luffy. No matter what he looked or sounded like. No matter what he said or did, the one standing in front of him had been _his_ Luffy at one point. Then the idiocy, the innocence, and the happiness had all been ripped away from him, and those were things that once they were gone, they were impossible to get back. Yet Ace could see a glimmer of hope. A fire in Luffy's eyes that refused to be dimmed by the years of pain. He also heard the way Luffy laughed at him. Though hollow, his laugh held a realness to it. It had not been faked just to please him. And Luffy's smile. Though filled with painful memories, it was as contagious as ever. No matter what anyone said, the man standing in front of him was his little brother. And he would protect Luffy this time. Even if that meant doing the impossible, and helping him get back all that he'd lost. Including Luffy's precious happiness.


	5. Chapter 5

"Torao fixed me up and brought me back to Amazon Lily."

"Sorry but who's _Torao_?" Zoro asked the question they had both been thinking.

"Trafalgar D. Water Law." Ace gaped at Luffy while Zoro raised an eyebrow in question, as he still had no clue who this Torao person was.

"You call Trafalgar Law, Surgeon of Death, Torao?" Ace asked and Luffy nodded. "And he doesn't kill you." Luffy shrugged.

"Well I called him a different name at first, which he _really_ didn't like, and he threatened to kill me but then stuff happened, we got closer, there was this weird team up thingy, and when I switched to the name to Torao and he kinda just gave up. Though I am the only one allowed to call him that." Luffy snickered. "Once, one of he crew members called him that as a joke, and Torao just threw him into the sea. After switching his head with a watermelon that is. The guy was a devil fruit user too. Sank right to the bottom. But since his head was on board and a watermelon was where his head should be, Torao wouldn't let anyone go get him until 3 days later." Zoro smiled.

"I like this guy already." Luffy frowned and looked over at Zoro.

"Really? Cause in the future you guys don't get along very well. You're always glaring at each other. Especially whenever I'm involved." Zoro stiffened and looked to the side. Muttering something about an idiot captain, loyalty and being overprotective. Luffy smiled.

"Once back on Amazon Lily, Rehlighy found me and offered to train me. I decided it was a good idea for me to get stronger...so I could protect those important to me. I got a message to the crew telling them we'd meet up in two years instead of the three days we had originally agreed on and spent both training my body and my haki. Annnnnnd, that's pretty much it. I mean, more stuff happened obviously since it's been a year since the war, but that's the most important of it all."

"Yeah, well we should probably get back up to the others. Though I do feel a lot better now that I've told the two of you everything! Speaking of which, I still need to talk to you guys about what I plan on changing and what I want to stay the same." Ace and Zoro shared a glance before nodding.

"Okay. Sounds good." Ace stood up and began to leave, Zoro following his lead before stopping when Luffy spoke up.

"Oh yeah. And Robin, you can come too if you want."

"Wait what?!" Ace stared shocked at Luffy while Zoro shrugged, not all that surprised that Robin had been listening in. Luffy looked confused at Ace's shock and nonchalantly pointed up at an eye and ear sticking out of the wall. Robin. She had been listening the whole time, and Luffy had known. Ace sighed. But of course he knew. He was Luffy after all. And Ace still couldn't get a handle on this crazy crew of Luffy's. They were always surprising him one way or another. Ace glance up as the eye and ear popped out of existence, with only flower petals as proof that they were ever there to begin with.

"Okay, now we can go back up." Luffy walked past Ace, leaving first followed by Zoro. Ace shook his head. He could guess that it was going to be a long few years.

The crew, minus robin, looked at the three of them strangely when they walked back in, but no questions were uttered. After a few minutes everyone went back to eating and chatting and before long most were fast asleep; knocked out due to exhaustion no doubt. Luffy, still awake, sat outside. His eyes on the stars above him. A body moved to sit beside his and before the question could even be uttered, Luffy answered.

"Insomnia," was all Luffy told him. One word. All Zoro could do was nod. How could one word cause so much damage? "Chopper told me...the chopper from the future I mean...anyways, Chopper told me that it might go away as things get better." Luffy shrugged. "He was also trying different things to help me fall asleep. But the thing was, even on the good days when I did fall asleep...I couldn't, can't, _stay_ asleep. I always wake up."

"How long does it usually take till you wake up?" It was a simple question, but Zoro found that he was almost afraid of hearing the answer.

"I don't know, it all depends really. It could go from 10 minutes to 5 hours. Don't think I've slept longer than 3 hours in a few years though."

"By a few...would you by change be talking around 3 years?" Luffy let a dry laugh escape his lips at Zoro's question.

"Yeah. Sounds about right." Luffy let go of his knees and fell onto the grass, never taking his eyes off the stars above them. Zoro followed suit. Laying down and putting his hands behind his head before glancing over at his captain. "You know, when I was a kid, there was this thing that Makino said to me that I never really forgot. I don't know why it stuck with me for so long. But she told me, _'Sometimes, the brightest stars in the sky are the ones that have already burned out.'_ Never understood what she meant as a kid. But now...now I think I get it." Zoro sat up and watched as Luffy stood and started towards Nami's map room.

"Well?" Luffy stopped to listen as Zoro spoke up. "If you get it, then what's it mean?"

"In the simplest way I can put it, it means Zoro, that you don't have to look sad, to be sad." Then Luffy went inside and Zoro was left gapping like a fish out of water. Luffy, was the brightest star Zoro had seen in his entire life.


	6. Chapter 6

Nami had noticed. She wasn't sure if everyone else, not including those dimwits Ace and Zoro, had noticed too but there was definitely something going on. Ace and Zoro had really been her only clue. That scared Nami. Luffy was supposed to be an open book. Someone who always said what he felt even when it wasn't needed. Or wanted for that matter.

So for her to realise that there was something going on, and Luffy was doing such a great job at pretending, terrified her to the core. What else might have Luffy been going through that none of them ever noticed?

She took off her sunglasses and looked down at Ussop, who was sitting on the railing next to Chopper and Luffy, with a fishing pole between each pair of hands. It had been three days since Luffy's freak out, and ever since he came back from below deck with Ace and Zoro, they've been following him around like lost puppies.

Zoro was quiet about it. Probably not wanting everyone to notice; not that he was doing a good job of it. But there was nothing quiet about Ace. Even Luffy, who seemed to try and stick as close to Ace as possible at all times, had told him off once or twice. Nami sighed and watched Usopp and Chopper laugh their asses off as Luffy flailed his arms and legs in an attempt to regain his balance on the railing and not fall into the ocean. It was fake. All of it.

Nami stood up and moved down onto the first deck. Positioning herself onto the swing so that she could watch Luffy without it looking suspicious. Suspicious to who? Nami wasn't sure. But when Luffy had announced to the crew that they would be lowering anchor and delaying their arrival at Sabiody for a while, Nami's Luffy bell went off. Something was seriously wrong if Luffy was delaying going on another so called "adventure". Especially when it involved helping someone else. That someone being Kami.

She had been surprised, though Nami couldn't imagine more than the crew had been, but was polite about it. Nicely asking why the delay and for how long. Luffy had said that he wasn't sure for how long yet and that the reason was a secret before laughing and running off. It had pissed Nami off to no end, but she kept her mouth shut. Preferring to try and find out why the delay. Luffy wasn't making it easy. He was always disappearing. Sometimes by himself, sometimes with Zoro, Ace, and/or Robin.

Nami glanced over at the kitchen door where she knew Robin was being fussed over by Sanji. Robin knew what was going on with Luffy. She had to. But there was no way that Nami was ever going to get any info out of Robin. So, all that left her with was watching and waiting. Trying to decipher the mystery that was Luffy.

"Hey Nami, you okay?" Nami was snapped out of her thoughts by none other than Luffy. He had moved from the railing of the ship and was now standing in front of Nami, waiting for an answer.

"Oh, uh, yeah...I'm fine Luffy." Then an idea popped its way into her head, and Nami couldn't help but praise herself as a genius. "What about you? Are you okay?" Luffy looked somewhat confused by the question but answered nonetheless.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" Luffy sent a smile her way, but she had know Luffy for too long not to see the pain behind it. He was slipping. And Nami would be ready, would be by his side when he cracked. Maybe that's what the other day had been about. Maybe Luffy had just been too strong for too long. Maybe they all needed to pay more attention. But this time Nami would be there. If that was what Luffy fit had been about, and yet there was still something bothering him, Nami didn't want it to come to the breaking point this time. She wanted Luffy to let go of his own accord. Not keep it in until it became too much to handle again.

And if that's not what it was, well it wouldn't matter. Because there was something now. And Luffy was sad and hurting, and Nami would let Luffy know that it's okay to tell people. To be weak sometimes. To cry and breakdown. And that they would all be there for him. No matter what it was. Cause he's their Captain. He's their Nakama. And they'll never let him go.

"Luffy, let me rephrase. What's wrong?" Nami looked Luffy over and saw how stiff he was. His body tense as if ready to run, and his jaw continued to clench and unclench. A habit Nami had noticed he had picked up since his fit. That along with rubbing his chest. He was uncomfortable. He knew what was coming. "Why are we stopped? What did you talk to Ace and Zoro about? Why did you have that fit three days ago? Why are you so sad?! Why are you so afraid?! WHY WON'T YOU TELL THE REST OF US WHAT'S WRONG?!" Nami hadn't noticed until after the fact, but she had started to yell. She had let her anger get the better of her...and after everything she had just thought. After telling herself that she would be there for Luffy...she yelled at him.

Tears started to stream down Nami's face before she could stop them. But there was no point now. She had yelled at Luffy for not telling them, but he was hurting, and everyone on the crew knew that Luffy would do anything to keep them from feeling his pain. His hurt. Luffy would shield them from his own pain and suffering as long as it meant that they wouldn't feel sad. That's just the way that Luffy works. And Nami had yelled at him for it.

For the first time, Nami noticed her own hiccuping sobs. Muffled by a shirt and the arms wrapped around her. Luffy had his arms tightly wrapped around Nami, holding her close. After what Nami just did, Luffy was the one who was still calm. Who had reacted accordingly. And Nami was the one on the ground in tears. She wasn't the one who had been yelled at. Yet she was the one being comforted. She was trying to help Luffy damn it! Not the other way around! When the hell had Luffy become so strong, that his own emotions didn't matter anymore?


	7. Chapter 7

The stress of trying to figure out what actions to take, and the terror of reliving the worst of his worst memories, was making night time hell for Luffy. He was pretty sure that Chopper was also starting to notice his lack of sleep, based on the looks he would send Luffy's way every time they got up in the morning for breakfast, and the bags under Luffy's eyes had only grown.

He had tried discussing the issue of whether to avoid Kuma or send everyone away with Zoro and Ace but of course, he chooses the two (as Nami would call them) dimwits who would have no idea what to do, to tell his secret to. The next logical action had been to go and talk to Robin. That hadn't gone any better. Well actually, now that he thought about it, it was much less stressful than his conversation with the other two had been. Granted she hadn't been any more of a help. All Robin had said to Luffy was that it should be his decision, not hers. He had tried explaining that he just wanted her opinion or a little advice but Robin refused to say more. Seeming to opt watching Luffy suffer.

Luffy rubbed at his eyes tiredly as once again he sat awake outside while the others slept. Even Usopp who was supposed to be on watch was fast asleep. He thought back to yesterday when Nami had gotten mad at him. His crew were catching on and Luffy figured that he had to make a choice soon. They weren't going to just sit here for much longer, at least not without an explanation.

The thing that made the decision even harder for Luffy though was the fact that Ace was with them this time. What would that mean for everything else? Would Ace not be taken to impel down this time? (Cause he sure as hell wasn't going to allow Ace to be executed. No matter what happens.) Would the war of the best never happen? Luffy groaned. Was it selfish of him to want to both save Ace and keep his crew away from Kuma, yet still have his crew get stronger? It seemed like no matter what solution he thought of, he could only do one or the other.

Luffy laid back in the grass as he resigned to thinking about all that stuff in the morning. For now, he at least wanted to _try_ and get some shut eye.

* * *

Sanji woke up that morning to see his captain sitting on Sunny's head, and as Luffy turned to yell at him for meat, he couldn't help but notice the bags under Luffy's eyes. Seeming to be darker than the day before. Sanji remembered when Luffy was the last one up in the morning, no matter how much Nami screamed at him...at least until Sanji resorted to yelling "MEAT" down the stairs. Now the boy was always the first one up. But after thinking for a minute, Sanji could confidently say that he never saw Luffy go to bed that night. Then it clicked, and Sanji made the meatiest breakfast he could muster.

* * *

It took a while. Almost too long in Luffy's opinion, for him to decide what path to take. But after a full week with the anchor down and the crew confused, Luffy made up his mind. When he really thought about it (which hurt his head but it was worth it for his crew) the only option that made sense was to keep things relatively the same and let Kuma send everyone away. It hurt Luffy to think about it, and he wouldn't allow himself to remember that day, but he knew it would be selfish and altogether a bad idea to keep everyone from getting stronger.

This time though he was determined to drag Ace with him to Amazon Lilly. He didn't care what it would change, as long as Luffy could keep his eyes on Ace, then he could protect him. But then there was still the question of what excuse he would tell the crew to keep them where they end up for two whole years. Without the war, Luffy wasn't sure if he'd have a way to contact them or a reason to keep everyone on their island in the first place.

Luffy rubbed his face violently; tired of only having more questions every time he came up with an answer. At this point, he was ready to say fuck it, and tell his crew to stay on the islands cause captains orders. It was a dick move. Luffy knew that. But he was desperate for an answer. A _final_ answer. Anything that could maybe let him get some much-needed sleep, and keep his crew safe. Happy or not. He sighed. They were never gonna let him live this down...Luffy reached up and started to scratch absent mindedly at his scar; still sore and red.

He had always said to himself that he'd do anything to be able to go back and save Ace. The thing was, now that he _was_ back in time and had the perfect opportunity to save Ace lade out in front of him, Luffy was so tired and worn out that he wasn't even eating. Well actually, he guessed that would be the wrong way to describe it. He was eating. It was just that his exhaustion had his body so worn out that when he ate, it all just came back up again. Luffy was tired. So, so tired. He was at the point where if given the option, he would give it all up. Saving Ace, preventing the war, all of it. He would give everything, if it meant he could just, go, home.


End file.
